Anger and Pain is my never-ending story

So much anger, so much pain. I have found myself as an empty shell today barely functioning.

My body and my soul has been triggered from doing Alex's Story work. Nobody sees how difficult it is, just how nearly impossible it is to do videos of my son, videos of our family once whole, once intact, but now, forever shattered.

It's like I'm intentionally setting myself up for pain when I do these damn social media ads. One part of me logically knows I must utilize them as it is the best way to raise awareness but damn. The other part of me battles and struggles with the ignorance of humanity. Comments one after another saying my son deserved to die because of his choices.

What am I even doing anymore and why is it me that feels so alone doing it? Why can't I just let go and focus on grieving in private.

I'm just so tired of the pain.