top of page

Broken Mask


I find myself in the same place I was in only a few weeks ago.


Rattled, body and hair in shambles, burning eyes, smudged mascara and physically trying to pull myself out of the car to complete a simple errand. A simple errand that involves me picking up Valium. Apparently I've gone so far off track and so beneath the surface level that I need a drug to aid my physical pain and anxiety.


I'm in pain and with my son's 20th birthday approaching I am not sure how to survive. I don't have a coping mechanism that I've discovered yet. I have found comfort in only being with my son at his resting place. Simple task of cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen or even doing a load of laundry seems only too exhausting too me. Even when I do try and get back into routine, I knock myself out with migraines that last more than 1 or even 2 days.


Seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do here? How the fuck am I supposed to survive this? How does any mother? I don't think they do actually. I think it's a mask they put on that makes everyone believe they survived. Rather, inside that mask is a woman in constant pain unable to cope or relate with the world around them. Perhaps we have to put a mask on for those who need us. I'm trying to put mine on. I really am. But I can't keep something on that my body refuses to wear.




51 views2 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Wake up, put an immediate attention grabber and energy sucker also known as my phone in my face to help start my distraction for the day. Then, as my phone plays an annoying and pointless show that  o

Today was so incredibly difficult but so incredibly beautiful as well. We met with two high school classes and are completely blown away by the attention and respect they all showed us. Not only that,

bottom of page